Just so you’d know me better! *wink*

Top Tens o’ Mine

~ANIME/MANGA~

1.) Detective Conan/Magic Kaitou

2.)  Matantei Loki Ragnarok

3.) Ranma 1/2

4.) Full Metal Alchemist

5.) Full Metal Panic

6.) Hayate no Gotoku

7.) Ultra Maniac

8.) Inuyasha

9.) Daa! Daa! Daa!

10.) Rurouni Kenshin

(p.s. I still have a lot of Animes I love!)

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~BOOKS~(Author)

1.) Mediator Series(Meg Cabot)

2.) Every Boy’s Got One( Meg Cabot)

3.) Boy Meets Girl(Meg Cabot)

4.) Sherlock Homes(Sir Athur Conan Doyle)

5.) Nancy Drew(Carolyn Keene)

6.) Can you Keep a Secret(Sophie Kinsella)

7.) Archie Comics(?)

8.)

9.)

10.)

(I can’t think of anything anymore…XD)

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~MUSIC~(English and Tagalog)

1.) Every Little Thing(He does is Magic) by M.Y.M.P.

2.) Dirty Little Secret by All American Rejects

3.) How to Safe a Life

4.) I write Sins not Tragedies

5.) All I want For Christmas is You by Mariah Carey

6.) Gomen Nasai

7.) Behind These Hazel Eyes

8.) Leave(Get Out)

9.) Chasing Cars

10.) Girl Next Door

11.) Could it Be

12.) Growing With You

13.) Farewell To You My Friend

14.) Thousand Miles

15.) Scratch

16.) Miskol

17.) Para Sayo

18.) Silver Toes

19.) Fairytale

20.) At the Beginning

(Alright so it’s twenty! So sue me! XP)

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~BISHIES~(Guys/Anime Guys)

1. Uhm…Someone (=.=)

2. Kaito Kuroba/Kaitou KID (KID-sama! Kaito-kun!)

3. Loki…(Loki-sama!)

4. Hakuba Saguru (oooh! British!)

5. Ranma Saotome (Kawaii, Ran-chan!)

6. Kanata Saonji (Very cute!)

7. Natsume Hyuuga (Hoe!)

8. Conan Edogawa/Shinichi Kudo (Luv!)

9. Kenshin (Gotta luv that "Oro")

10. Hitachiin Twins; Hikaru and Kaoru (’coz how can you just pick one? ish TWINCEST!)

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~PLACES I WANT TO VISIT~

1. Japan!( Because, where else?)

2. London (You have to luv their slang!)

3. Norway (I’m intruiged about Norse Myths!)

4. Paris (Just because I’m a romantic)

5. Hong Kong (Seems nice…)

6. Boracay (Dammit! I want to go!)

7. Maya Civilization! (What? I don’t know where it is….)

8. Switzerland (?Maybe? I like a place where there’s snow!)

9. California (Tropical-ish!)

10. Beverly Hills (I can’t think of anything else! XP)

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well, there we go! I can’t think of anything for now, maybe next time…Ja!

ooohhh!!! I’m finally writing another Journal entry! ish because i happy!

Yesh, I very happy!

*blush*

Yay!

Oh! I was voted as an officer today!!! Assistant secretary and third year representative! For computer and arts club respectively. Awesome ne?

I mean I’ve never been a club officer except when I was grade 4 and I was elected president for our science club…so exciting! Plus,well…ooohh! *blush* I was with him…

*CHU!*

And I finished my Friendster project! To fix Den dear’s profile! I am good!

Anyways no classes on Friday! Sad though I have to go to school since I have the screening for Pauleen…I’m entering as a cartoonist, just hope I get picked! XDD

And I finished Ranma movie 1 and 2 plus 12 OVAs and I lurv it! Ranma and Akane are soooo kawaii together! I swoon!

And incidently I keep calling people "dear", it started with Deniz…so she’s my original dear but there is some people I wouldn’t mind calling dear….Oh, and "gurl", it’s funny and quite cute really…

well, I’m out of things to say…

Bai Bai!

p.s. I cannot fully understand the male mind!!! Blargh!

I sit there watching you.

Do you notice?

I don’t suppose…

Every chance I get, I would sneak a peek. It’s hard. It’s pointless.

I know. I’m an idiot to even persist.

But I can’t just stop. No matter if I want to.

You might say that’s just a stupid excuse, of course I can take control of my actions and feelings. It might be, but I don’t perceive it that way.

Don’t get me wrong, I did try. Maybe it wasn’t hard enough. But the point was I tried.

And I failed.

I thought I could keep you out of my thoughts. But you just came barging back in.

I hate it. I hate you…no, never. I could never hate you, could I?

Everytime I see you I feel my heart beat faster, I feel a blush rising. but I mastered my Poker Face. I can mask my emotions on the outside.

I can smile even if I want to cry.

And then, you turn your head to my direction. I fear you have caught me.

Did you? I don’t think so. Maybe you just didn’t care about me enough. Of course, that’s it. I smile sadly at the thought.

My feelings have been going for a long time and no matter what I told myself I’ll like you, I’ll love you. It doesn’t matter it you return the feeling or not. I’ll just do it. But time can wear down even the toughest of wills, and my will to love you is wearing down considerably.

I’m wavering, I don’t want to continue. I’m tired of it.

And you just don’t care.

What great support. How sarcastic of me…Ha, ha.

I don’t want this anymore, I want you to return my feelings, maybe there’s the obstacle that I haven’t said what I’m feeling, ne?

But when I observe you, I can see you don’t care at all. It doesn’t help.

I want to tell you but I can’t bear for rejection, I’m scared and I’m not afraid to admit it. Everyone is afraid of something. This is one of my fears, and I don’t even know what to do.

Do you even know that I put up masks? Oh, of course not. You don’t care after all.

But I do, just to clear it up. I do wear masks, like everybody else. They might say they’re true to others, that their not lying, that who they are now are who they really are. Get me? I mean everyone has masks, it’s just sometimes their masks are just so natural it’s not even noticed by the owner.

I notice mine. I’m a baby, a kid, a teen and an adult. Depending on the situation, I can be anyone.

It’s kind of stupid really, I mean all those "be honest to yourselves", how can you be when you’re just too afraid.

Well, even if I do put up my masks I still hope, though pointless, that you would see through them. And maybe at least worry, even as a good friend, but I’m asking to much. I doubt you’d even worry if I didn’t put a mask up and you’d see me plain and bare as, well…me.

The Real Me. The Me which I’m not even very familiar with.

And you just wouldn’t care.

I sigh, before I thought your presence was enough, but I’m greedy, I want to be with you, to talk to you, to be a friend…do you even consider me as a friend?

This is hopeless, pointless, futile.

I shouldn’t even be pouring this much time. I’ve wasted so many time, I’ve wasted my freedom, I’ve wasted a lot.

I always told myself it was worth it, sometimes it was but as a whole, is it?

Is everything I do worth it?

I’m not sure. I think it is but then I see it sometimes, like a burden? Maybe.

It hurts being ignored, to go through each day unnoticed.

I want you to see me. I want you to be with me. I want you.

But I wouldn’t dare tell you that. Never, well…not yet.

Someday maybe. And if you do end up with someone else rather than me, I  already decided to be happy for you. I decided if that’s what’s best for you, then I’m good. I’m happy. It will hurt, I know, I haven’t read break-up books for nothing. I know it will hurt but I also know that it will pass by. If you’re not the one I’m suppose to be with then what’s the point dwelling.

I’m new, I’m me. I don’t need to dwell.

"I’m happy for you. Congratulations, you’re very lucky." is what I would say with a great big smile, even if I really want to cry, rip you apart and cry some more.

I would stop now, maybe then I would notice somebody new. Somebody for me. After all I’m getting older by the year. it wouldn’t be such a surprise to find someone, even if it is a long kind of fling. As long as that person’s special. Real special. I’ll know…somehow I get the feeling I’ll know if it’s my special person.

I might not know but I might just bump into him, meet him somewhere…

I just have to wait…so Sayanora to you, my beloved! I need to open my eyes again to the world around me! It won’t be that easy but I’ll go through it with a smile. I have others to support me. I can make it. I can do it!

I’ll be getting ready. I’ll leave my feelings, I won’t be attached anymore. Just because I’m tired of waiting. I’m not very patient to begin with and I think two and a fourth years(2 and 1/4 years) is enough waiting for me. I’m a highschooler! I should live life! besides playing cupid is better than being cupid’s target! *wink*

SAYANORA Watashi no furui kimochi!

~ Aud-chan!

————==============———————

I can’t believe I went from, I love you, I can’t give you up to I’m tired and i want to stop to I’m done with you…so semi-done with you. I’m crazy! So crazy!!! but I am semi-done with him…I’m going to move on, I don’t want to wait if it’s pointless…

P.S. Sayanora Watashi no furui kimochi = Goodbye my old feelings! (Sugoi-cool-,ne?)

I have a new phone that doubles as my mini-ipod…okay so it won’t hold a lot of songs but at least I it can…SO COOL!!! I just finished downloading some songs in my new phone and I was just singing and dancing to the songs! I mean the speakers broke so it’s wonderful for me to hear my songs again…

Nokia 6300 ish just soooo COOL!!! *huggles the phone*

And I do sing and dance in my Jammies!(Pajamas) I even act but I don’t let anyone see it, it’s kinda embarassing but it’s just so much fun to do. It just relieves stress and powers your imagination!

Well, I’m off to eat dinner…

byyeeeee!

This is just because I want to post something…

I have finally found my writing(typing) passion.

I love making stories, fictional ones. Wheter it be fanfiction or orginal(sort of)…though I can’t say it’s that good. I mean just recently I started to make this new fictional story. My work title is "Teen Goddess" I got to stick with it for a while until I think of a better one. it’s a sort of anime fictional book.I even made illustrations…weird.

This is my prologue for the story. Quite sucky…

Prologue- Teen Goddess

I’m normal. Very normal.

I’m just your normal average teen. I have a pair of eyes-ice blue in color-, ears, arms, hands, legs and feet like everyone else. I have a nose, not deformed. Luscious lips, if I do say so myself. I have lovely mid-back length hair, in the strawberry blonde color which I always keep in a neat ponytail. And a good normal shaped body. No deformities, no skin diseases. Nothing out of the ordinary.

But you know what, as much as I would love to believe I’m normal I can’t.

Sure on the outside I’m very normal, pretty too. I’m human, just maybe not really hundred percent.

Oh, don’t worry I’m not a vampire or a werewolf or even a ghost. No, I’m not any of those. I’m just a human with supernatural powers. And not just like monks and priests and all those religious people. Oh, no! I have full blown out-of-this-world powers. I can make things float. I can summon the dead. I can even transport myself anywhere if I concentrate really hard. Well that’s what my guardian said.

Oh, yeah I almost forgot to tell you about my guardian. His name is Kaji, he’s some sort of “not like us humans” kind of guy. Point is, he’s not really from my world. He’s from another dimension, if you will. He wears this really weird outfit, which is not really bad on him. I mean the tight shirt that just shapes his upper body (and he does have a hot upper body), then the pants and the large belt, with all the manly charm bracelet on his left hand and a bandage neatly wrapped on the other. Plus the dark cloak he always wore, it makes him look so mysteriously hot. And who can go wrong with the brown unruly but very attractive hair and those lovely indigo eyes…

“Serena.” A deep voice pulled me out of my musings, I turned my head to see Kaji leaning against my bedside table.

“What is it now?” I sighed, I go to Aetheron-the place where Kaji said he came- almost twice a week just to ensure it was peaceful. Kaji smirked at my exasperated expression. Good gosh, he has a hot smirk. Damn him. “And for the record, call me Sora. Please.”

I never did like Serena that much. It seemed so old…conservative. Serena Carols, nope, just didn’t work with me now take Sora Carols, much more hip, cool, me, even if it is a little Japanese. Amy, my best friend and childhood friend, told me if she could just call me Sora when we were in the third grade. She was addicted to Anime and the Japanese culture then-until now- and thus Sora became my nickname. Even my parents call me Sora.

“I was just visiting the little Fire Goddess.” Oh, I forgot to mention. In Aetheron I was some sort of holy semi-god person who controlled fire. And Kaji just likes to tease me about it.

“Shut up will you Kaji.” I went back to my musings as Kaji disappeared. So much like him, I thought. Kaji would appear and disappear whenever and wherever he pleased when he was in my world; obviously in Aetheron he could never be rude to the Fire Goddess. I sighed. Kaji was my guardian, someone in his twenties- I have yet to ask him how old he is-, appointed to protect and serve the Fire Goddess. He told me that other than fire, there were others who were appointed to the other three elements, like Water, Wind and Earth. In all we were called the Elemental Rulers, since we like rule and order and control the elements, though it is kind of tricky at first. I wondered how many normal teens were pulled away from their normal lives to be an Elemental Ruler. And bare someone like Kaji. Not that he was terrible in fact Kaji was quite easy on the eyes. And sometimes he was very nice and protective too. It was just sometimes I’d like to wring his neck.

But I did speculate how weird it is for humans like me to be turned into a Goddess, in another dimension no less. It just seemed so fictional.

I mean just a month ago I really was just a normal junior high student. And all of a sudden I got transported to this really weird place—which hurt a lot, teleporting to a whole new dimension hurts a lot! — and then I met this Council People who told me that I was some Goddess sent to protect them and the equilibrium of the barrier from other worlds( like earth) and all those stuff. Then they introduced me to Kaji and the oldest loooking man told me he was my guardian and temporary teacher. I mean Kaji was going to like, show me the ropes in this whole Warrior-slash-Goddess things until I get the hang of it.

It was warped but I could still live with it. I hope.

—

*sigh* I so need to improve my writing.